I'm not worthy

 

Good day my friends. I have a friend who is in a nearly impossible situation. His girlfriend has a firm belief that he is cheating on her. I can confirm that he is not. She is also deluded into believing that she is not beautiful nor is she desired. I can confirm that she is found to be both, by my friend, not myself. Out of this situation, one I am familiar with, several questions have come to my mind and maybe some of you ladies can help me out. What has happened in your life to make you create such a vivid and depressing thought?

 

 

 

Perhaps a relationship gone bad, perhaps parents that told you those lies often enough you believed them, perhaps even the comparison of yourself to supermodels and famous beauties has led you to believe that you don’t measure up. It’s okay, really, Young women these days are told many things to break their spirit. Pictures of holocaust thin women, hips and shoulders projecting out like malformities paint ideals no woman can live up to healthily. Thinspo preaches a five hundred or less calorie a day diets, and others suggest “training” your waist with new renditions of that old torture instrument, a corset.

 

 

 

Why must women subject themselves to such fantasies? Women like Kim Kardashian (ugh), Christina Hendricks (Beautiful), and others have proven that larger isn’t always seen as ugly. Proportion is everything. There is a man for every woman, or so I am told. There are men who like larger women, there are those who like skeletons. It’s all about finding the right one. Now obviously, I can’t say that living an obese, unhealthy lifestyle is acceptable. No, one must be relatively healthy, but one must also stop to really look at themselves.

 

 

 

Men and women alike are shown models of perfection, told to measure up to those expectations. Those expectations destroy self-images, dreams, and hopes for love and life. They create impossible goals and expectations. The whole idea that one can be perfect is insane. The nose is too big, the eyes not blue, the hair not blonde…absent a six pack of abs, a non-chiseled jaw, and not that many muscles popping…Always a reason why you must eat less, work out more…to become addicted to regiments of unhealthy regiments and diets.

 

 

 

There are chemicals and vitamins to help you lose weight or build muscle mass. There are food plans that minimize calories and maximize results. Electronic waistbands that supposedly melt the fat away. Home gyms and devices that maximize your workout in a minimum of time. So many promises and so many frauds, feeding on vanity. That’s what all this is about.. vanity. Humans were given this thing called an appreciation of beauty. The Greeks, the Romans, Europe in its golden age…all cast statues and paintings of beautiful women, but their ideals were slightly different.

 

 

 

Robust and healthy, slightly thick and busty. The ideals of beauty were, though I hate to admit it, more like Kim K. The wide hips, good for birthing, large breasts for both beauty and sustenance. Faces slightly chubby, with full cheeks and a round shape. This body shape and ideal existed for almost two thousand years. Why is it that over the last century, we have decided that the perfect woman is an unhealthy and skinny? Why is the buxom beauty of the past seen as fat and matronly now? Why have we decided the picture of health now seen as undesirable? Humanity has become vain and egocentric. There is no room for people that are less than perfect.

 

 

 

This brings us to the root of the problem my friend and his fiancé are now having…perfection is not to be found, and this leads to paranoia. The fear of the significant other leaving, or cheating. The thought of the significant other seeking the perfection that they don’t have at home. This is not uncommon these days, and it is most unfortunate. The destruction of many relationships is not infidelity, it’s the perception of it. This leads to fighting, anger, and then infidelity. The fear becomes the reality. I can only hope that my friend and his fiancé can work this perception out before it is too late, and yet another relationship is cast onto the rocks.

 

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Comments (14)

  1. noahbody

    I hope and pray they can work it out too. It is sad to see an otherwise healthy relationship damaged by misperceptions.

    September 01, 2016
    1. timholzbaur

      It is very sad indeed.

      September 03, 2016
  2. Bettymom

    Once a woman doesn’t trust you, it’s hard to gain that trust again, if you ever can. I know I don’t throw my trust around willy-nilly.

    September 02, 2016
    1. timholzbaur

      Who is Willy and why would you throw your trust at him? It is very hard to regain that trust, an I have hopes that they will work it out.

      September 03, 2016
      1. Bettymom

        I hope so, too. That would most likely be the best thing for both of them. I’m just saying they will have to overcome some difficulties, some trust issues.

        September 03, 2016
  3. firewalker

    Couple therapy?

    September 02, 2016
    1. timholzbaur

      If by couple therapy you mean a locked room and weapons of destruction, maybe. These two wouldn’t see a counselor if you paid them too.

      September 03, 2016
  4. Walkaboutman

    There could be some mental health issues involved,but definitely a councillor s advice and therapy as Firewalker said.
    Some times the wrong type of people get into others heads and plant the seed of doubt. All he can do is reassure,show her he lives her frequently and let her know where he is.
    I have been through this before and I definitely wasnt seeing anyone . A lot if taking and being open.

    September 02, 2016
    1. timholzbaur

      I think it’s just low self-esteem, and therapy probably won’t happen.

      September 03, 2016
  5. belladora

    She sounds very insecure and I don’t think he can fix that. Possibly some counseling. Wish them the best.

    September 02, 2016
    1. timholzbaur

      Thank you. I hope things will work out.

      September 03, 2016
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  7. Nightbane

    Had writ summat above but long experience tells me it will not be heard. just remind your friend his girlfriend may well be projecting onto him and she is of the sort too often wants so much attention from all sides she may well end up swallowint handsful of pills with half a bottle of booze to get the level of attention she thinks she needs.

    September 02, 2016
    1. timholzbaur

      I certainly hope not. I think some quiet conversation and some body blows will fix it all right up. Just kidding..they’re good kids, I hope they figure it out.

      September 03, 2016
  8. tulakrystal

    Writing and journaling about her feelings if she is into that?

    September 17, 2016