Good day my friends. I have a friend who is in a nearly impossible situation. His girlfriend has a firm belief that he is cheating on her. I can confirm that he is not. She is also deluded into believing that she is not beautiful nor is she desired. I can confirm that she is found to be both, by my friend, not myself. Out of this situation, one I am familiar with, several questions have come to my mind and maybe some of you ladies can help me out. What has happened in your life to make you create such a vivid and depressing thought?
Perhaps a relationship gone bad, perhaps parents that told you those lies often enough you believed them, perhaps even the comparison of yourself to supermodels and famous beauties has led you to believe that you don’t measure up. It’s okay, really, Young women these days are told many things to break their spirit. Pictures of holocaust thin women, hips and shoulders projecting out like malformities paint ideals no woman can live up to healthily. Thinspo preaches a five hundred or less calorie a day diets, and others suggest “training” your waist with new renditions of that old torture instrument, a corset.
Why must women subject themselves to such fantasies? Women like Kim Kardashian (ugh), Christina Hendricks (Beautiful), and others have proven that larger isn’t always seen as ugly. Proportion is everything. There is a man for every woman, or so I am told. There are men who like larger women, there are those who like skeletons. It’s all about finding the right one. Now obviously, I can’t say that living an obese, unhealthy lifestyle is acceptable. No, one must be relatively healthy, but one must also stop to really look at themselves.
Men and women alike are shown models of perfection, told to measure up to those expectations. Those expectations destroy self-images, dreams, and hopes for love and life. They create impossible goals and expectations. The whole idea that one can be perfect is insane. The nose is too big, the eyes not blue, the hair not blonde…absent a six pack of abs, a non-chiseled jaw, and not that many muscles popping…Always a reason why you must eat less, work out more…to become addicted to regiments of unhealthy regiments and diets.
There are chemicals and vitamins to help you lose weight or build muscle mass. There are food plans that minimize calories and maximize results. Electronic waistbands that supposedly melt the fat away. Home gyms and devices that maximize your workout in a minimum of time. So many promises and so many frauds, feeding on vanity. That’s what all this is about.. vanity. Humans were given this thing called an appreciation of beauty. The Greeks, the Romans, Europe in its golden age…all cast statues and paintings of beautiful women, but their ideals were slightly different.
Robust and healthy, slightly thick and busty. The ideals of beauty were, though I hate to admit it, more like Kim K. The wide hips, good for birthing, large breasts for both beauty and sustenance. Faces slightly chubby, with full cheeks and a round shape. This body shape and ideal existed for almost two thousand years. Why is it that over the last century, we have decided that the perfect woman is an unhealthy and skinny? Why is the buxom beauty of the past seen as fat and matronly now? Why have we decided the picture of health now seen as undesirable? Humanity has become vain and egocentric. There is no room for people that are less than perfect.
This brings us to the root of the problem my friend and his fiancé are now having…perfection is not to be found, and this leads to paranoia. The fear of the significant other leaving, or cheating. The thought of the significant other seeking the perfection that they don’t have at home. This is not uncommon these days, and it is most unfortunate. The destruction of many relationships is not infidelity, it’s the perception of it. This leads to fighting, anger, and then infidelity. The fear becomes the reality. I can only hope that my friend and his fiancé can work this perception out before it is too late, and yet another relationship is cast onto the rocks.